Tangible

Every once and a while, one of my feet gets really warm. I don’t know why. Whether the boots (rain boots, short suede boots, tall boots) that I wear religiously are well insulated… Whether it’s possible for an 18 year old girl to have hot flashes that are isolated in her feet… Whether I’m sitting with my feet over a heating vent… The science of it all mystifies me, so in typical fashion, I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to write another one of my infamous epistles. Okay, so they’re not infamous really or famous at all, but now I’m digressing… Let’s forget that this is distracting me from math midterms, history papers and paying attention in class and dive into my psyche for a few minutes.

Revelation of the week. My heart and soul wish to be the heart and soul of a romantic heroine in the tradition of Austen and Bronte and Hardy. I arrived back at school on Tuesday on a beautiful, balmy November day (yes, we have those in Wolfville). So, instead of diving into the research paper weighing on my brain, I threw some rubber boots and a T-shirt on and went for an excursion on the dykes as a strong, warm wind blew through my travel hair. I took the road less travelled and set off across the actual dykes instead of following the path like a good little citizen. So, I navigated a very muddy patch of the dykes safely and belted out various show tunes and anthems that passed through my iPod shuffle while the wind blew through my hair and I did my best “Maria in the Sound of Music” impression. This is my life, friends. Like I said, I’m a wannabe. My friend Kim told me that if she was more interested in physics, she would build me a time machine so I could go back in time and meet my Mr. Darcy. My friend Kim is equally wonderful and insightful. We’re starting an ecumenical convent together, but we can chat about that later. Why is this significant? Beats me… I just revel in an expression of self that engages in melancholy and romanticism and Jane Eyre.

Revelation of the month. As I put it in an email to my parents, “I'm turning into a bigger, badder feminist/socialist everyday.” And for all my conservative friends out there, it does not follow that I’m also now a worshipper at the altar of all things liberal and immoral. See, I don’t like hipsters. They bug me mostly because they turn a counter-culture movement into a mainstream movement and embrace the paradox therein. The reality is that I follow the original hipster. Yes, friends, the answer, as always, is Jesus. Okay, Jesus wasn’t snotty and elitist about his counter-culture. He just literally was everything that the world isn’t. So, I’m learning to embrace the counter-culture of humility and love to modern-day church religion because I think Jesus believed in equality of gender, equality of race, and economic equality and generosity. I think that our God dreams of a world where none of these issues repress or limit the hearts and souls of his sons and daughters. I think that part of bringing the Kingdom of God to Earth is being strong advocates for these principles in word and in deed. I don’t think Jesus is hip or cool or flashy or trendy. I think He asks us to join a counter culture that’s based in love and endless grace for the ugliness of our hearts. 

Revelation of the day. I realize these are out of order now, but this is my blog so deal. Sometimes, when you’re a dreamer, you don’t believe John Lennon is right and you feel like the only one… I like to put my headphones in, turn up my favorite party music and dance. If you’ve never done this AND you’re a country fan, try Rascal Flatts’ “Banjo”. It’s a life-changing experience. Why does this make me a dreamer? Simply, I dream in the same headspace that I dance, the headspace where I revert to happy-go-lucky childhood and all the innocence that that entails. And so I occasionally dream of meeting my favorite musicians and becoming their best friends (Sara Bareilles and I would be best friends, true story). Also, I dream of transforming the scene of social injustice with integrity and brutal honesty. Some days, I want to live in the cabin in a woods or multiple cabins in multiple wildernesses around the world. Actually, scratch that, I want to live in Lama and write about the stories, the people and the ideas that inspire me and change the world with my words. Which one of these is realistic? I don’t know, friends, but what I do know is that my number one fear is that somewhere along the way, I’ll lose the dream and I’ll become stagnant. So, this one’s for you and me, living out our dreams…

Revelation of the hour. As much as I protest otherwise, I do like a lot of things that are happening in my life right now. I like turning feminist rants into essays where my picky prof asks me to let my reader/him know that I’m concluding. So, in conclusion…. Ugh, I shudder just writing those words, but sometimes we sacrifice artistry for marks. I like that I have an opportunity to provide some leadership and organizational support in our Inter Varsity fellowship in the remainder of the school year. I like being on an Ultimate team with the weirdest people you’ll ever meet. Okay, I’m not mourning late night games in near-freezing temperatures so I’m glad we’re done before the snow comes. Speaking of which, I don’t like cold weather. Just to clarify, I will take Nairobi and 23 degrees every day of the year any day! I can drink tea and wear scarves in that kind of weather and that’s really all a girl needs to be happy. Wearing scarves to actually keep my neck warm is unnecessary. But, that said, I love wearing scarves. And today I’m wearing one of my favorites. It makes my eyes pop. I like being outrageous. I love candy canes and apple cider. I dislike rainy weather, but I like that I embrace my Austen wannabe status in all its glory and walk around without a hood on and literally feel the rain on my skin. Okay, Austen and Bedingfield? Sometimes even I can’t keep up with my train of thought. Yikes, this is getting out of hand! Basically, I still find plenty of things in my day-to-day life to get irrationally excited about.

Revelation of my life. I miss home. By home, I mean the place (Kenya), the people and the state of being. I miss leaning into my daddy’s hugs after a long, rough day. I miss giggling with my mom. I miss throwing things at/generally pestering my big brother. I miss the regular routines of the DesRoches household. I miss Beka and the way we never walk next to each other without our arms around each other, our arms linked or a shared set of headphones. I miss Cammie and her hugs. I miss Carrie and sitting on her kitchen floor sharing my life while the water boils. I miss Malindi Chai Lattes. I miss Michelle and her advice about love and boys. I miss throwing raves in blinking security lights with Cara. I miss tea whacking with Jenna. I miss twirling and adventuring with Kara. I miss Katie and I screaming at each other when we see each other. I miss John the Taxi Driver and his incredible laugh. I miss Lady and her weird bark/whimper. I miss the sound of the weaverbirds on a Saturday morning. I miss the smell of Nairobi post-rain. I miss almost dying while driving through downtown Nairobi’s weird overpass systems. I miss butter chicken and bajias. I miss Jessie and eating Debonair’s pizza. I miss the boat ride from Manda Island to Shela… That chapter of my life has come to an end, as all good and bad chapters do, but I continue to miss and mourn for everything I have left behind. The travel bug in my blood itches to explore and exist in other parts of the world, but for now, I am here.

These are just glimpses of the tangible truth that has been spoken into my life recently and this is also where my written ramblings come to an end. In my personal opinion, every worship service should end with a benediction. Numbers 6:24-26 is one of my favorites. As I’m not restrained by any theological/denominational affiliation and am not ordained for any sort of formal ministry, I get to decide the source of my benediction for this post. Blessings, friends!

“And I never saw you coming. And I’ll never be the same. This is a state of grace. This is the worthwhile fight. This is the golden age, of something good, and right and real.”