Ludicrous

I realize that the title of this particular blog post may seem rather depressing. But between huge amounts of homework, stress and less than huge amounts of sleep, it's been an interesting couple of weeks...

In my IB drama class, we’ve been studying the Theatre of the Absurd. It’s essentially a movement that came out of World War 2. After the complete devastation of the war, philosophers and artists believed that if we, the human race, could exact such destruction on each other; we must be in charge of our own destiny. Therefore, the power to do good or evil lay in each of us, rather in the hands of the divine. As a firm believer in the presence of divine in this sorry wreck of a world, I found my personal beliefs hard to resolve with this practice. I believe that life, rather than being meaningless and circular, is actually full of meaning. The past few weeks have tried their best to convince me otherwise.

It all starts with homework. The International Baccalaureate is supposed to make you intelligent, but, there are days I feel like an idiot for ever signing up for this. I finish all my homework, feel incredibly successful and get the same amount of work the next day. I feel as if the stress should be relieved, that this next day or week won’t be as bad as the previous one. And, I’m sure you can guess what comes after this. It never seems to end, the stress, the work, the late hours, the sleep deprivation. I realize that I’m working towards a goal (graduation) but it’s feeling very distant at the moment. Yes, absurd, in the 1960s theatre practice sense of the word.

People. They’re difficult. And yet, as part of my creed, I realize that we are called to love all, indiscriminately. Still, that’s really only fully done by our Creator, the only perfect one I know. So, I promise myself that I’ll be genuine with all and love like I’m asked to. It never happens. I get frustrated and snap. Sometimes I have a legitimate excuse. More often than not, it’s stress, too little sleep, and adolescent hormones. Still, I snap and a few minutes later, feel like the worst person in the world. I can’t get over the persistence of the voice in my head that tells me to love, always and fully. My efforts? Seem ludicrous.

Futility. It surrounds me. The refugee camp in Dadaab is growing every day. People die every day because they haven’t had food, or proper food, for weeks, maybe even months. Politicians continue to slip money that isn’t theirs into their own pockets every day. We go on with our lives, untouched by despair. Economies are on the verge of collapse. People are doing research into weapons that could destroy the entire world, while others look for the cure for cancer. We, as a human race, complain, point our finger and just generally make our discontent known, and then do nothing about it. Fruitless. Pointless. Ineffective.

Such is the world we live in. I am not enough. You are not enough. We are not enough. We do not have the competence to tackle life in all its futility. That’s why I reject the view that there is no God. If there is none, life is nothing but a destructive circle. I have to remind myself when I can’t see a way out of the garbage that there is something higher, something divine who is closely involved in my life, our lives. So, the real reason that this blog post is entitled ludicrous is not because I actually believe that any of this work that I’m doing or stress that I’m undergoing is ludicrous. It’s not. But without my Father in the skies, it would be. So if you’re feeling small or insignificant, be reminded that you are indeed, rather lacking in significance. Still, I would have to say 

that being a worthwhile insignificant is a pretty decent calling.

“You hold the world within Your hands
And see each tear that falls
Through every fire and every storm
You're always enough, always enough” – Casting Crowns